Chipped Mermaid to Order
Luke warm Coffee
Sunny- and chilled
Lately, I've been overwhelmed with longing to create. Its been imperative that I surround myself with beauty, in hopes it may spring some creativity within me. Unfortunately, though I know I can create I become overwhelmed by people like Esperanza Spalding, and feel I have nothing to communicate.
Besides, all I've really been making headway in is writing. Sitting down for at least 10 minutes each day, and writing some type of fiction. To my dismay, my fiction has been sarcastic and sometimes feel like the words of Holden Caufield, which is very clearly not the intention I had.
BEAUTY! Not the ramblings of a disenchanted teenager, or social satire that comes off as mean.
You see I become so very overwhelmed by the talent around me, and focus very clearly on what I am not.
I am terrified of singing, and the ukulele I was determined to learn is still sitting on my windowsill. My artistry is plainly reflected in the state of my fingernail polish: terribly chipped, and desperately metallic in hopes of being noticed.
Cue: Silver lining. There is so much I want to be, and am inspired to show.. I am sure Maya Angelou has her faults-- and my focus on that is only scaring me into being nothing. I certainly will fail- and the first brush-stroke on a perfectly white canvas terrifies me.
Allowing this terror to prevent me from exploring my creative self will do nothing but limit and hurt me. I remember a friend telling me (in an all too similar scenario) that I am also hurting those around me that may benefit from my words/expression.
With room-temperature coffee in hand and a newly changed mind-- I will create, even if it's as simple as arranging handpicked wildflowers. There is a reason we long to surround ourselves with beauty, not to become overwhelmed, but to see the world in different shade with separate perspectives dotting our journey.
