Create..or lack thereof.

Chipped Mermaid to Order

Luke warm Coffee

Sunny- and chilled

Sitting with coffee in one hand, trying my best at typing fast..consuming coffee in the not-so-early morning hours. The sky for once is blue, and I am attempting to rid myself of scarves and jeans that have riddled my hopeful sun basking May.

Lately, I've been overwhelmed with longing to create. Its been imperative that I surround myself with beauty, in hopes it may spring some creativity within me. Unfortunately, though I know I can create I become overwhelmed by people like Esperanza Spalding, and feel I have nothing to communicate.

Besides, all I've really been making headway in is writing. Sitting down for at least 10 minutes each day, and writing some type of fiction. To my dismay, my fiction has been sarcastic and sometimes feel like the words of Holden Caufield, which is very clearly not the intention I had.

BEAUTY! Not the ramblings of a disenchanted teenager, or social satire that comes off as mean.

You see I become so very overwhelmed by the talent around me, and focus very clearly on what I am not.

I am terrified of singing, and the ukulele I was determined to learn is still sitting on my windowsill. My artistry is plainly reflected in the state of my fingernail polish: terribly chipped, and desperately metallic in hopes of being noticed.

Cue: Silver lining. There is so much I want to be, and am inspired to show.. I am sure Maya Angelou has her faults-- and my focus on that is only scaring me into being nothing. I certainly will fail- and the first brush-stroke on a perfectly white canvas terrifies me.

Allowing this terror to prevent me from exploring my creative self will do nothing but limit and hurt me. I remember a friend telling me (in an all too similar scenario) that I am also hurting those around me that may benefit from my words/expression.

With room-temperature coffee in hand and a newly changed mind-- I will create, even if it's as simple as arranging handpicked wildflowers. There is a reason we long to surround ourselves with beauty, not to become overwhelmed, but to see the world in different shade with separate perspectives dotting our journey.

Just here

Bare.

Coffee.

'Welcome to the Monkeyhouse' -Kurt Vonnegut

Coffee. Coffee.

Sometimes when I drink it in the morning, despite brushing my teeth before and after..my mouth tastes like poop.

Now, I don't have recollection of eating poop (I know I must have, at some point) but I am certain that this taste I have, is it.

Why don't I stop drinking coffee? You would think this option would be something I would contemplate, nope.

Why? Because I feel like I am finally coming to the place where I can appreciate the subtle tastes, but mainly..I'm proud it's no longer coffee-flavored creamer.

Poop it is then.

Vaginas Unite!

Coffee
Do you Lilac It?
Grey, but it's okay.

“Good is towing the line, being behaved, being quiet, being passive, fitting in, being liked, and great is being messy, having a belly, speaking your mind, standing up for what you believe in, fighting for another paradigm, not letting people talk you out of what you know to be true,” -Eve Ensler

I am inspired in the purest possible sense.
Some unlikely sources, but mainly women.

For many years I've followed Eve Ensler, and eagerly awaited a time when I could actually see an adaptation of her Vagina Monologues. When I heard of auditions for the Denver production, I was floored. I knew it was something I had to attempt.
From the moment I walked into the lesbian coffee house, I knew my comfort levels would be more than challenged.
Lets just say orgasming/moaning in an audition is something I have never encountered. Brilliant, but very scary.

I decided (quite dramatically) that if I did not make this production I would give up acting.
I know, the stubborn..hurt..and very childish Alesha came out.

I chose 2 monologues, one I had read prior..and the other had a British accent, which I felt I had to do.

Suffice it to say, I made the show as the very British 'Vagina Workshop', and am marveling at the talent I have the honor to share a 'stage' with.
For so long, I questioned my ability in something I cherished..and the women who I now admire in strength, ability, and overall character--have applauded me.

(The 6 year old Alesha still wants to hide inside myself, when I hear compliments and applause not the character)

And WOAH. I am orgasming on stage, I like to think I am a pretty open person..but this is REALLY pushing me as an actor, to really BARE ALL in front of everyone. I am excited and looking forward to the challenge ahead, in portraying many women's stories and being strengthened in the process of it all!

One's Enough.

Coffee
Chipped, but red.
Snow.


Ahh, snowy morning. Sitting with a cup of joe, and the New Yor Times open on my desktop.

Because being smart just goes with snow; since snow isn't necessarily my 'thing', I thought I'd fake smart.

I must say, life is good. The heart of it is, at least...which brings me to my next to-so-related-topic: John Mayer.
I was a huge fan, and would still like to be one but I cannot continue to ignore such terrible (flaunted) ideas..and outspoken prejudices (against women, namely).
So, Mr. Mayer...stop speaking, and play the guitar. Really, that's all we care about from you.

So, this is a busy season! I'm gearing up for an audition...school...and work. When I began telling people I was working and going to school full time, it always resulted in cringed faces. I didn't think it was so much of an undertaking, but now I see just what I'm taking on...and crave some waves to satiate this frustration.
But, I'll take working out--and swimming indoors for now.

Must have been a mermaid in a past life. Don't think about saying "But Alesha, mermaids aren't real"--NO. They are, I swear-- and I was one at some point. I'm sure you'll find that many Buddhist's will back me up.

Don't worry, despite these ramblings..I'm okay. I'm happy. The more and more I see life unfold, it becomes clear--if you can lay down at night and are happy with your own company..you're golden.
My company is great, and I am uncovering so many perspectives that cause me to question myself. Questioning without those awful 'guilted' undertones.

THAT is company I want to keep.

Quick, but OH! So good.

New obsession: Smart girls at the party

My face is on constant smile mode after I watch an episode.

I think yours should be as well: http://www.onnetworks.com/videos/smart-girls-at-the-party